Friday, January 22, 2010


so ....
my throat's tight. all of muscles are tensed, like I'm waiting to be hit. and everything's pulled in to the center to protect my heart. my eyes are wide and wary. my face is as stone-like as I can make it, smooth and unsaying. I have to think about breathing, and it's deep but it stops and waits. mentally, it feels like it takes all of my focus to keep breathing.
it is unpleasant. it has been for most of the day, ebbing and flowing, but coming back.
what do I do with it? sit with it? accept it? meet it with compassion?
my box of unskillful tools has razor blades and jameson and isolation.
my bag of skillful ones is empty.

so ....

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